Good Hair



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Last weekend, I got Chris Rock’s documentary, Good Hair, from Netflix. The film covers the trials and tribulations black women are willing to go through in order to meet the standard of having “good hair”. The film includes interviews with Hollywood actresses, visits with average folks in beauty salons, and a segment about an Atlanta hair show.

I’ve had a head of black hair for 34 years now and I was shocked at what I was seeing and hearing. This hair fixation in the black community is utter madness.

Middle class women sit in an Atlanta hair salon and admit that they’ve paid $1000 and up for their weave. That’s just for the weave, not for the installation. These women are not wealthy, they were school teachers and day-care providers. They have no business spending that much money on someone else’s hair. Even Chris Rock winced at the idea. I guarantee that if I looked in these chicks bank accounts, they have little if no savings, no investments, nothing set aside for their kids college but yet they have a weave on their head. Pathetic.

And where is the human hair coming from to construct all these weaves?
India. In the religious houses, cleansing ceremonies are performed where women are shaved bald. In India, hair is seen as vanity. So the hair is swept up by the monks and shipped to the U.S. Unfortunately, the hair is also cut off unsuspecting women while they sleep and while its draped over the backs of movie theater chairs. If there’s one thing I learned from Slumdog Millionaire, it’s that India is a rough place. Besides, there’s money to be made off this and there’s a hot demand for this hair in the U.S. generated by the black community.

But Lynelle, what woman in her right mind would have the hair of another human being sewn into their skull?
Try…almost every black actress in Hollywood. Raven Symone, among other actresses, is featured in the documentary. I remember when she was a cute little girl on the Cosby Show back in the day. Well now she’s just a stuck up heifer in my view. I don’t care how many shows she does on the Disney channel. She sat up in the documentary and boasted about how she only wears Indian hair and how she wants to start her own line of hair extensions like Jessica Simpson – provided she can get her “hook up” to India. Un-freakin-believable. And this chick has won NAACP Image Awards?! We’ve got it all wrong. How about you try to drop a few pounds by putting your chubby ass on a treadmill instead of squeezing it into the salon chair for hours on end.

Oh, Lynelle..I think you’re exaggerating. No, watch the movie and you’ll see. It gets worse. Some of these “actresses” went so far as to say that they don’t allow men to touch their hair (even during sex), they don’t get in the water, they don’t do this and they don’t do that --- because of their fake hair. Actress, Nia Long, goes as far to say that you need to stay on top during sex because nobody touches my hair. These tricks have paid a lot of money for that hair, you see, and nothing is going to mess it up. Looks like all they do is sit around like statues.

But Lynelle, you’re giving the whole movie away! You’re right. I’ll stop with details. It’s just that this bullshit makes me hot!

I will admit. I am lucky. My hair has always been low maintenance. I only go to the salon every six weeks to get a relaxer to straighten the roots. I’m able to maintain it myself by re-adding the protein to my hair which the relaxer strips out. There are a lot better uses for the time and money spent in the beauty salon. Obesity is running rampant in the black community but our fat asses are sitting for 8 hours to get a weave instead of getting our bodies fit. The middleclass ladies in the film that were getting the $1000 and up weaves needed more than just a hairstyle. They needed better skin care, to lose weight, a clothing makeover, and a little charm school. Putting that $1000 weave on them is like putting lipstick on a pig.

Somebody has to be getting rich of this black hair care business!
Absolutely and guess what? It isn’t the black community. Only a handful of black hair care product companies are owned by blacks. But yet we’re pumping billions into it every year. Sounds a lot like the illegal drug industry. The product is in every ghetto but the profits go elsewhere.

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But how did you like the movie? Sorry, I got off on a tangent. It was really well done. Good editing, the story flowed well, and the biggest asset was Chris Rock. I appreciated his sense of humor and you could tell that he thinks none of this madness makes any sense. I’ve never been a big fan of his stand-up comedy but he came off in this documentary as an intelligent person going out on a limb to expose a silly obsession in the black community.

I give the film 4 out of 5 stars. Good Hair is available on DVD. I would actually like to see a sequel called “Good Nails”. That’s another waste of money and it doesn’t just affect the black community. It’s running rampant universally.