Friday Night in the Lou

7 PM
Me and a few friends meet at a restaurant called Mango downtown. This was my 2nd time there and the food is excellent. 1101 Lucas Ave is the address. Nicole and I split a pitcher of sangria. I persuade her to add depth to the sangria. Depth = Pétron

10 PM
The sangria pitcher is empty and we head next door to the Flamingo bowl. We all look really cute in our bowling shoes. The bowling alley is pretty hip with a full bar.

10:35PM
A couple of lesbians show up and bowl in the lane right next to us. How do I know they were lesbians? Because no straight woman in her right mind would mount a blackberry on her hip. Who does that?! It's only going to make you look wider. But they're throwing the ball pretty hard. I tell all the chicks in our group to "bring the heat". I then proceed to roll a couple of gutter balls. I complain about the unpredictability of bowling.

11:20PM
The lesbians are done with their game already. My, aren't they efficient. One of them bowled a 179.

11:35PM
Our game is finally over. I managed to break a hundred. Cristina had the highest score of our group. I accuse her of bowling like a lesbian.

11:45PM
I leave the group to go use the restroom. The handicap stall, my stall of choice, refuses to close so I'm forced to use a smaller environment. I then hit the ATM in the back of the alley. By the time I come back from my little jaunt, a rumor is circulating in our group that since I was gone for so long, I must have been doing #2 in the bathroom. WTF?! I quickly squash this nasty rumor citing my handicap stall delay and trip to the ATM. Besides, I'm not the type of chick that needs to poop in bowling alleys.

11:57PM
We enter another bar so that Nicole can finally shoot a game of pool. The bouncer tells us that all the pool tables are closed at midnight. I'm done drinking and start to sip on water. Last time I was in this bar, I overheard some asshole make a racial slur about our first lady.

12:25AM
Cristina attempts to work her way into a shuffleboard game with some guys but they are "straight fags" and blow her off. WTF?! Note: A straight fag is a man who would rather high five and make a fool of himself with his boys instead of actually talking to a female. They also have a tendency to lament about how they can never meet girls but when the opportunity presents itself, they don't man up.

12:37AM
I'm complaining about the unacceptable bathroom situation at this bar now. Are you noticing a trend here? Basically the stalls are only tall enough for Smurfette and I felt a little exposed. I then tell everyone that my cat, Honey, is my soulmate. Normally when I say this I get some sort of incredulous reaction from people but everyone here is so drunk they just sort of nod their heads like "Yeah."

1:00 AM
Cristina leaves to walk her dog and then comes by a few minutes later. Everyone scatters outside to meet her "rent a dog" for the weekend which is part pit-bull. I stay behind to guard the coats and the expensive cell phones that these knuckleheads have just left laying on the table.

2:00 AM
Nicole and I are finally in the car headed home. One minute she's talking, the next minute she's passed out. What amazes me is that she's able to sit completely upright the whole time. It's quite the marvel.

2:27AM
We roll through the White Castle drive through as we'd agreed upon about an hour ago. Nicole is in and out. I tell her, "Nicole, we're here. What do you want?" She says, "Chicken Burrito!" I respond, "From White Castle?!" WTF?! What she meant to say was she wanted 6 white castle burgers.

2:36AM
There was a production delay at White Castle so we waited quite a while for the burgers. They gave us a couple extra ones for the wait.

2:45AM
I drop off Nicole at her house and head home. I eat 4 white castle cheeseburgers in the time it takes me to reach my door. Even after those burgers, I don't feel like doing #2.
Was that too much information? Have I crossed the line here?