Bring Me Men


I don't often speak of it but I got my undergraduate degree from the US Air Force Academy. We had a ramp that led from the cadet area down towards the parade field. Above the ramp were the words "Bring Me Men..." based upon a poem by Samuel Foss. The rest of the poem goes something like this--

Bring me men to match my mountains,
Bring me men to match my plains;
Men with empires in their purpose
And new eras in their brains.

The poem goes on more extensively and includes these lines:

Bring me men to match my mountains,
Bring me men to match my plains;
Men to chart a starry empire,
Men to make celestial claims.
Bring me men to match my prairies,
Men to match my inland seas;
Men to sail beyond my oceans,
Reaching for the galaxies.
These are men to build a nation,
Join the mountains to the sky;
Men of faith and inspiration,
Bring me men, bring me men, bring me men!
Bring me men to match my forests,
Bring me men to match my shore;
Men to guard the mighty ramparts,
Men to stand at freedom's door.
Bring me men to match my mountains,
Men to match their majesty;
Men to climb beyond their summits,
Searching for their destiny.

Not one time in my 4 years at the academy did those three little words bother me. I never once saw it as an attack on female cadets and future female officers. I was more bothered by all the other crap that goes on at that place and knew deep down that those three words were about leadership and fortitude. Due to a knee jerk reaction by "leadership" following sexual discrimination issues at the academy, the words "Bring Me Men" were removed from the ramp in 2003. I have no idea what's up there now, if anything. I make it a point not to visit that place.

So where am I going with this trip down memory lane? What's the point of this pontification? Hold your horses. I'm getting to it.

Two thousand nine was not a good year for me in terms of dealing with members of the opposite sex. There was way too much odd and puzzling behavior. A ridiculous amount actually. So I've got my own, non-rhyming version of "Bring Me Men".

BRING ME MEN --- Lynelle's version

Bring me men with social skills who don't constantly bring conversation to a halt with their awkward commentary.
Bring me men who hit the gym to actually sculpt their own bodies instead of standing on the sidelines critiquing the physique of every female that passes by.
Bring me men who solidly grasp the concept of "just friends" and do not still act like they can change my mind. Dude, you can't.
Bring me men who know how to be a man without being misogynistic. That means ordering the drinks at the bar, opening a door or two, walking me to my car, and maybe even... picking up the tab. It's the little things.
Bring me men who can make a damned decision, right or wrong, and stand by it.
Bring me men who are not constantly heads down texting and playing with their phones. Is that device more interesting than me?
Bring me men who are not needy and constantly need attention. I'm too busy for it.
Bring me men who won't have me on the side of the road at 12:30 AM so that he can play MacGyver trying to save the day because some idiot wraps his car around a pole. OK...that one is pretty specific.
Bring me men who can interpret my body language that is clearly saying, "I am not interested in you romantically".
Bring me men who are dependable: who call when they say they're going to call, who says he's going to do something and then truly does it.
Bring me men who won't say that he "lost my phone number" as an excuse for not calling. Maybe that excuse worked in 1980 but not in the post-cell phone era.
Bring me men who won't pester me about what I'm doing, decide to tag along to my already planned activities, and then attempt to change the restaurant, the movie, or other parts of the itinerary to suit his needs.
Bring me men who are aware of current events, pop culture, retains information, and doesn't have his head in the sand because all he does is work.
Bring me men who don't lie.
Bring me men who love animals.
Bring me men who act their age.
Bring me men that can sense the evening has gone poorly and consequently won't turn around at the end of the night and ask me if I want to come inside. No, I do not.
Bring me men who actually pick up the phone to speak instead of texting, emailing, or badgering me in some other electronic fashion.
Bring me men who are not so goddamned sensitive.
Bring me men who have a healthy respect for time; both mine and other peoples.
Bring me men who have opinions, thoughts, and dreams and are not just following the other lemmings jumping off the cliff.
Bring me men who are not personality vampires latching on to my interests because they have none of their own.
Bring me men who will not corner me in to spending time with them.
Bring me men who will fully appreciate that I am college educated, successful, independent, financially secure, physically fit, stylish 34 year old and overall one hell of a catch. If you think there's better out there, then by all means look.
Bring me men who've got their shit together.
Bring me men who act like men instead of these feminized, indecisive, emotionally needy, draining, socially inept assholes that keep bothering me.

Am I asking too much?